You constantly blow me away, as if I were the lonely candle atop the birthday cake on the day you turned one.

Sincerely,

headoverheelsinfear.

I really want to pack some shit in a backpack & leave California. 
I feel like I’ve exhausted my welcome here.

2 weeks remain in my undergrad instruction.
I want to start a fucking band. I need it.

Another successful Coachellin. 
My body is a wreck. My mind is sound.
I’m suffering from post-Coachella depression.  


Back to life…back to reality. 

Have been on the weirdest plane as of late.

I’ve stayed in the past three nights in a row, & tonight I also choose to just stay in.
I wish I had better study habits.
The NAVY has been on my mind a lot lately.

I dwell on things that are well out of hand. 
I want to do better for myself by myself. 
Most often my insecurities get the best of me, but I refuse to permit my past to dictate my future.

something is seriously living underneath my house.
the shit fucking loves hanging out below my room.
i think it’s a possum, raccoon or cat.
i’m leaning more towards a raccoon because it’s nocturnal.

this is the 5th night in a row I hear that thing.
i’m on cloud 9 though. bacon.

suck it easy, slickstone.

the world with happiness.

I learned that a warrant was issued for my arrest. I will head to the courthouse early to attempt to remedy this problem. I’ll be utterly and wholly fucked if there isn’t some way to fix this shit.

I  took an exam in my existentialism class-the entire thing was on Friedrich Nietzsche. I felt at ease with my efforts. I expect nothing less than a B. Next we move onto Heidegger & i’m stoked on it.

I received the results from an exam I took last week in my Spanish Civilization class.
I expected a D, but earned a C. Lazy Mexican-American lacks the effort because the Professor makes learning the subject very difficult (Sure asshole its always someone else’s fault huh?). I was also assigned a group project for this class. I’m utterly dissatisfied. Not only do I have a semester long project to complete in my MGMT class, but I also have a case study due Thursday (4 pages), an extra credit opportunity for my Spanish class because 2 C’s aren’t satisfying me enough, and now a group spanish project due at the end of April (right around the time Coachella festivities will ensue). SWEET.

However, the most surprising & satisfying event which took place today was one I would have never expected to happen in my life. I’ve been dealing with the question that continually arises in our life, “What do I do now?”. This arose because at the end of this Spring semester, in May I will walk. I’ll complete my internship this summer and end up a Summer grad, but didn’t know what I want to do after. I’m starting to feel bored at my workplace and don’t want it to result in me quitting and being unemployed for 6 months and just finding another shitty job paying minimum wage or something along those lines. I’ve always wanted to join the Peace Corps, but after researching the website today I found myself in a state of dissatisfaction. I want to keep learning, but I don’t have the funds readily available and I don’t want to take on a life full of debt. I’m also taking into consideration that it’s taken me well over the typical rich kid time frame of 4 years to finish college. In other words I’m burnt out on the typical school setting. I found myself researching the Navy, specifically as an Officer to further my education and earn a master’s degree. I’m not entirely sure why, but this feels right. & I’m not trying to understand why it feels right, I just want to remain in awe that something is clicking inside of me.

Pour attention into the cup of attraction
my exterior must be the distraction
often I ponder “am I painted in unapproachable blues?”
or are the waves of my brain actively hyper?
 
even in the intangible, tangled environment of the inter-webs I feel the same. 

my nose bleeds like my father’s did.
I’ll never be pure.
I’ll always be loved. 

-Ceremony “Nosebleed”